Writing As Exorcism
Bluets and Crying in H Mart
Dear Friend,
Life here has been a bit chaotic with traveling and family emergencies, and in the midst of things, we finished reading July’s selection, Bluets by Maggie Nelson and began August’s book of the month, Crying in H Mart Michelle Zauner.
The Size of Loss
Bluets, I have to say, was not at all what I expected. Nelson asks some intensely provocative questions in part two of the book, like, what is memory made of, and how often is it made? There’s apparently a debate about how stable each memory is; when we remember something, are we drawing on a secured fragment or trace stored from before? Or are we creating a new trace each time remember something, even if it’s the same memory again and again? And in that case, how accurate is each retrace? In an age when attention spans have dropped to what I must imagine are their lowest levels ever, adding faulty memory to the mix seems like a powder keg. If we’re not paying attention well in the first place, then not remembering accurately what we only sort of experienced at the time, then what happens to truth?
Now, despite repeated comments like “our entire existence . . . is sort of a joke” and that we are “surrounded by the scandal of corpses,” messages of seeming despair and surrender, Nelson also returns often to feelings of awe and wonder (93, 95). At one point, she writes, “I have sometimes found myself wondering if the same principle applies in other realms—if seeing a particularly astonishing shade of blue, for example, or letting a particularly potent person inside you, could alter you irrevocably, just to have seen or felt it” (82). It’s almost as if the entire act of engaging with the color blue, much like writing Bluets, is “an exorcism.” What is it Hemingway was supposed to have said (but didn’t): "There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed."
The collection is a study in blue, true, but it’s a life study more than anything, of intimacy and sorrow, of reverence and whimsy, and of loss and negotiation. As someone who just this last week returned to writing as a journey into and through confusion and absence, I’ve found Nelson’s collection to be touching and painful.
Crying in H Mart
Our choice for August is Michelle Zauner’s acclaimed memoir Crying in H Mart. This is one that’s been on my TBR for years. It’s been all over BookTok and has been a fan favorite at booksellers like Barnes & Noble for a long time. I feel a bit apologetic that I’ve selected two stories of grief one after the other, but hopefully they’re so different (in style and content) that it’s not too problematic for anyone.
About the Book
“In this exquisite story of family, food, grief, and endurance, Michelle Zauner proves herself far more than a dazzling singer, songwriter, and guitarist. With humor and heart, she tells of growing up one of the few Asian American kids at her school in Eugene, Oregon; of struggling with her mother's particular, high expectations of her; of a painful adolescence; of treasured months spent in her grandmother's tiny apartment in Seoul, where she and her mother would bond, late at night, over heaping plates of food.
As she grew up, moving to the East Coast for college, finding work in the restaurant industry, and performing gigs with her fledgling band--and meeting the man who would become her husband--her Koreanness began to feel ever more distant, even as she found the life she wanted to live. It was her mother's diagnosis of terminal cancer, when Michelle was twenty-five, that forced a reckoning with her identity and brought her to reclaim the gifts of taste, language, and history her mother had given her.
Vivacious and plainspoken, lyrical and honest, Zauner's voice is as radiantly alive on the page as it is onstage. Rich with intimate anecdotes that will resonate widely, and complete with family photos, Crying in H Mart is a book to cherish, share, and reread.”
About the Author
MICHELLE ZAUNER is best known as a singer and guitarist who creates dreamy, shoegaze-inspired indie pop under the name Japanese Breakfast. She has won acclaim from major music outlets around the world for releases like Psychopomp (2016) and Soft Sounds from Another Planet (2017).
Our Schedule
Given my late posting, I’m just going to pace myself and try to have this one read and reviewed by Friday, August 29th. My paperback copy has 239 pages, so that comes to about 13 pages per day. I’ll also be checking in briefly on social media (emphasis on briefly, as I’ve mostly given it up), but feel free to find me here in Subscriber chat, too!
May you be free,
~Adam
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